Reverend RobI have been ordained as a minister! Yes! I now am qualified for the following:

  1. Perform Baptisms
  2. Performing Weddings
  3. Performing and Speaking at Funerals
  4. Visiting the sick
  5. Counseling
  6. Establishing New Congregations
  7. Ordaining others

I have already done items two, three, four and five–which leaves baptisms, creating a congregation and ordaining my own clergymen and women.

So, to my friends and those I do not know, please let me sprinkle water on your child. I will say some nice words too. I haven’t decided what to name my church yet, but I expect all of you to show up on Sunday for the prayer and the basket passing.


A lot of people complain about Mondays. People say, “I have to go back to work!” and give this unhappy face that elicits pity from anyone else who has ever had to “go back to work.”

But I was just thinking–“Wow. Monday. I made it through the weekend. I’m still alive! That’s great!” Mondays should be celebrated.

Sirius Satellite Radio Lacks Quality Internet Listener Experience

I love the service, but Sirius Satellite Radio provides a bad experience for subscribers who listen over the internet. The reasons are, poor quality audio, restricted access to certain channels (i.e Howard 100) and lack of features such as playlists. The reason Siruis provides bad service is because they are concerned about subscription piracy. This entry will explain the three main problems with Sirius Satellite Radio’s internet service for subscribers and why they exist.

The extent to Siruis Satellite Radio's Internet Player OfferingProblem: Sirius provides a poorly designed flash-based interface for listening on the web. The flash Sirius player lacks proper internet radio features such as playlists and links to artist information.

Solution: Abandon flash interface and use a database driven page that offers information about what is being broadcast along with multiple audio streams. An example of a station that has a great internet radio offering is Seattle’s KEXP.org. KEXP offers a fully archived song playlist along with DJ comments.

Problem: Sirius provides a very low quality, 32kb st

ream for internet listeners. This point is wholly unacceptable because bandwidth is very cheap, especially in bulk. Rather than provide their subscribers high quality internet streams you get the same low quality sound you get driving around in your


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Most Melodramatic New Years Eve Ever.

Portland Commissioner's Office I’ve had some pretty awesome New Years Eve’s.  Last year I was with close friends at a great house party, the year before we were at Kells.  This year we decided to try out Pioneer Courthouse Square–big mistake!  It sucked.  Someone is to blame! 

Read this article to get a taste of exactly how lame our city commisioner’s office is.  Probably the worst part of the article is the author’s attempt to make it sound like the one arrest from last year justifies canceling the event.

I sent the following letter to the editors of the Portland Tribune, Oregonian and Portland Monthly:

UPDATE 1/ 11/05: The Portland Tribune published my letter in the 1/10/05 edition. 

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The Spark That Creates Life

Frankenstein and DNAI was cruising The Drudge Report for some brain relief after five hours of focus and came upon this article on creating synthetic life forms.  The article is about a scientist named Craig Venter who is trying to create life from scratch.

Craig’s credentials are pretty good.  Previously he helped sequence the first privately-held map of the human genome.  This time he’s trying to construct a working genetic sequence using a process called synthetic biology

The article raises the question: how do you go about sparking life once you’ve put the pieces together in the right way?  I suggest referring to Mary Shelley’s synthetic biology research in her thesis entitled "Frankenstein."

A flippin' sweet liger, click to buy this on a flippin mug right now.The idea of wanting to create your own customized creatures isn’t new.  Back in 1926 Stalin had the bright idea of creating his own army of half-human half-monkey super warriors to fight the capitalists.  Yes, you read that right.  Monkey Super Warriors.

If Craig and his bookish gangstas are successful they could be able to to safely make environmentally friendly industrial chemicals, create a limitless supply of clean energy and build something to make superman walk again.  My hope is that they are successful and are also able to create the liger my brother wants for Christmas.

Google Search Packaged for Sale

anti-googleJust a quick note to point out that Google is not your aunt May who bakes you muffins and tucks you in when you’re sick.  While it has earned the mass belief that it is the best way to find information, it has also somehow aquired the golden halo that mac users feel towards Apple’s iPod.  This is a mistake.  Google is on the verge of capitalizing on all of its database, which includes an understanding of your financial situation, the decision making process you use to purchase products, your personal information, and most importantly how you aquire new information. 

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Portland Santacon 2005 – Cacophony Society Descends Upon Portland

Santa HipAbout ten minutes ago about two hundred santas descended on 23rd avenue on their way to the Gypsy lounge. They’re part of the 2005 Portland Cacophony Society.

According to their official webpage, anyone can join in the herd, so long as you wear a santa suit. Includes “A coat, a hat, a beard, red pants and accessories. Gifts and candy for the kids, cash for bars and strippers.”

At their last stop before hitting the bar, I snagged a video of them chanting, “Santa needs a drink!” at the top of their lungs.

Check out a few pictures of Portland Santacon 2005 on my flickr page.

Why My Sony Walkman D-NE320 is Better than your iPod Could Ever Be

The iPod SucksI have a long-standing rant against Apple’s iPod and iTunes system of consumer enslavement, and have managed to stay well away from their products.  I’m afraid things have not gone as well for my friends.  I’ve wanted to explain my hatred for the iPod in so many words for some time and my recent purchase of the Sony Walkman D-NE320 has provided a reason.

I like to listen to mp3’s.  A lot.  I download several hundred dollars worth of music a quarter, and that stuff has to be listened to.  Most of my listening has been done on the computer or at work.  [Have a look at my Last.fm profile to see what I’m up to recently.]  I usually burn cd’s to pop into the magazine of my BMW, but this has become a problem since I had the battery replaced.  See second post of this CODE WAIT thread.

I have been hungrily eyeing a number of Sony Walkman cd/mp3 players at the local Fred Meyer, but have never been able to bring myself to drop the 40-80 bucks they wanted for one.  Enter my father, who was in the Christmas spirit this week.  He hooked me up with a Sony DEJ001, which turned out to be not so great.  It was priced at $39.99 and had a crappy little lcd display on the side.  the DEJ001 requires two double-A batteries which makes it heavy.  It comes with a pair of incredibly shitty ear buds–it just sucked.  (note: I picked it out on impulse when he said I could get one more thing.  And yes, I am a spoiled brat.)

Sony D-NE320So I took it back and exchanged it for the Sony Walkman D-NE320.  Now this is a really cool player.  It has a big nice LCD on the top of the player that shows a little animation while it is reading the disc the first time.  It displays its progress as it scans the disc and has a GUI that shows folders and songs inside them. (Album and song names are read from ID3 information imbedded in the mp3s)   Rather than worry about some more crappy ear buds, I went ahead and got a pair of Sony Walkman MDR-EX51LP ear buds.  They were overpriced at $35.00.

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Hacking the Drop Kick Murphys

I needed a new flyer for my obsessive-compulsive Dave Matthews Band fan site.  I have some obsessive fans on the board who are willing to help promote the site at shows.  They’re like the Jehova’s Witnesses of the DMB fan community.

I ran across a flyer for an old Dropkick Murphys / Sex Pistols show and decided it might be a good hack possibility. 

Here’s the original:

Punk flyer 

Click here for full size 

 And here’s my hack:

 DMB Flyer

Click here for full size 

Interestingly, I did all of the editing in Fireworks.  I would have preferred to use photoshop, but it was not starting at that time.  (Installed CS2, to replace junky old CS1)

Long-story short, I am a sa-weet image editor.  And I’m fun at parties.

Super Furry Animals

Super Furry AnimalsHoly Crap.  The Super Furry Animals is a totally sweet band.  Last night I went out with some friends to catch Caribou and the Super Furry Animals at The Wonder Ballroom.  We started out at the Doug Fir, where we scored a nice corner booth.  We drank and ate ourselves into good feelings and charged the meal to our company.  At our brief stop for beer Dana licked a filthy metal mini-mart prong and then we proceeded to Andy Webber’s house.

Andy was happy to see us.  After some carrying on it was time to head out ot the show.  I suggested that we sneak beers into the Wonder Ballroom to avoid spending any more money on booze.  We experimented with placement, some in Booker-t’s boobs, some down my pants but most in Dana’s bag.  Dave does not approve of sneaking things in places.

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